Me and my doctorish friend are very different. In fact, lately I've been feeling as though I don't relate to him at all. It's not that I dislike him or anything; there just seems to be a very wide gulf between us, one which neither of us is very interested in crossing. I don't want to cross this gulf because the place I'm trying to get to is on my side. I assume that he has similar reasons: he likes his side, and wants more of it. The end result of this is that I always feel very distant from him, and I never feel like I get beyond the level of close acquantanceship.

So why, for the fifth time now, have I dreamed that we we're married, or engaged to be married? The first couple of times this happened, I felt as though this was some sort of superstitious sign, and that we were going to get involved. Review of the facts, of my personality and what I know of him, quickly convinced me that this could not be true, and that my subconscious was jumping the gun. Yet the dreams have continued. I can only assume that this is somehow symbolic, that my doctorish friend must represent something that I feel I should have in my life, which I want to incorporate into my personality and "marry" to myself.

Let's see...in this dream we went to Chicago to visit his family and announce that we were engaged. Chicago, to me, represents, among other things, the larger social world, a bigger perspective on life than I have. Well, my doctorish friend has traveled quite a bit, lived in serveral different countries, and speaks several different languages well enough to make small talk. He belongs to several different organizations, and does a fair bit of public speaking. He does seem to have much more of a handle on how to deal with society than I do. This is almost the opposite of me: my life is almost totally focused on ME, with very little understanding of how other people operate, and how to interact with them. On one, very prominent, level I'm proud of this, and am quite happy with this part of myself. I believe that my focus on the personal self makes me superior to alot of other people, who never seem to really get what they're about, or why they do what they do. However, I realize that I take this to an extreme, and that my inability to relate to others, and to navigate my way through the social world holds me back from doing a lot of things that I would like to do. And while I am really good company, just hanging out with myself all the time can get a little boring and repetitive.

So maybe this is it: I envy his ability to navigate the social world, and I wish to make that understanding a part of myself. Though I'm sure there is more to it than just that, perhaps this will bring my desires in this area up to a more conscious level, and they won't need to come out in dreams in order to make themselves acknowledged; 'cause these dreams were pleasant at first, and then thought-provoking, but now they're just annoying, for reasons I can't put my fingers on. Well, we'll see what happens.