Sexual Control

I think that it is reasonable that folks in general would have sexual fantasies that center around control and power, because the sex drive is both one of the most difficult things to control, and one of the things that society most demands of us to control. Not being able to fully control ones own sexual desires, and feeling like other people's sexualities are causing you to be out of control, are pretty normal feelings. Thus, it makes sense to me that someone would find having someone else taking control over a sexual experience very erotic, because it gives them the licence to no longer have to control their sexual feelings and actions. Also, I can see how controling someone else sexually can be very erotic, because you are giving yourself licence to do what you feel you need to do to control your own sexualtiy, but which society says you cannot do, i.e. extend your attempts to control your sexuality on to other people.

So seeing someone else attempt to control someone else sexually, if the other person is gratefully giving up their sexual control, does not bother me, or seem immoral or unethical in any way to me; that is, until I see a man trying to control a woman's sexuality, and then see that woman going along with it. This makes me sick. I cringe every time I see this sort of stereotyped heterosexual interaction. The reason this bothers me so much is not because of the fact that the man is trying to have power over the woman and the woman is letting him, but the fact that they are doing this within the context of thousands of years of female oppresion, torture, and servitude at the hands of men. These straight men take their desires to control women sexually (which, though understandable, is actually pretty neurotic) and extend that desire outside of the context of sexual interactions with women, and have based their whole way of interacting with women on that desire, so that is forms the basis of our whole society: women are slaves, men are the masters. It is, I think, really perverted that these straight people can't leave their neurotic sexual insecurities in the bedroom, so to speak, and instead feel as though they need to base all their actions on it. It's pretty sad.

On a related note, this morning I seem to be finding butch feminist women reallly attractive, even in a sexual way. I haven't been getting a woody or anything (my biology just doesn't swing that way), but of all the folks who I see walking around on campus today, the butch gals are the ones that seem to have the most psychological sexual allure to me.