Masculine Ambivalence

Freud, and those that believed in Freud, came up with complicated ideas about why boys choose to emulate their fathers and girls choose to emulate their mothers, usually involving some revelation about the difference between male and female genitalia, and some sense of shame about not having male genitalia (i.e. penis envy), or some shame about relating to those who don't have male genitalia, specifically mom.

I don't really agree with that. Boys want to be men and girls want to be girls because our society bases standards of appropriate behavior on what genitalia we have, and as intelligent, ever-adapting beings, we want to act appropriately, so that people will accept us, and give us food, love, and a place in the protective womb of society.

I have alot of conflict about being a man, and acting like a man. I would like to, because it makes me feel more secure about myself, but my main model of masculinity, my dad, is not someone that anyone should be emulating. So when I try to be masucline, I always start acting like my dad, which fills me with very ambivalent emotions. Also, I assume that everyone who is acting masculine is somehow really screwed up, like my dad was (or is...), and so I have ambivalent feelings about stereotypically masculine guys as well.