For the past days I have woken up with the same dream: me and my pseudo-lover are in bed, holding each other. The first night he told me he loved me. The second night I told him I loved him. When I woke up and realized that he was not there, I felt rather sad and empty.

This isn't going to work. He doesn't love me. I have a feeling that, because of the life he has led, he can't feel love, either for himself or for others. I feel very strong feelings for him, but I don't think it's actually love; more like neuroic desire for that which I can't have. I do care about him alot. I see us as being quite happy together, but in reality I know that being with him is usually quite awkward and annoying, that it's never easy, relaxed, or fun.

He might be staying with me for a month or two. His room-mate is kicking him out, for totally irrational reasons, and he doesn't have enough money to get a place of his own. So he might be staying with me 'till he's got some money saved up. Honestly, I don't think it's gonna happen; he's really good at saying this and arranging that, but he almost never follows through. I told him that if he were to stay with me we'd either have to be actually, officially dating, or else be just friends, with no sex whatsoever. Anything inbetween would just be too frustrating, confusing, and unstable for me to comfortably deal with. I don't know which option I'd prefer...I'll be fine with either one, though. I just want things to be settled, at least for a short while, so I can know what options are ahead of me, and what sort of projections for the future I should be making.