"Dating"
I've been avoiding blogging lately. It's not fun anymore. I feel different than I did before. I've come down to earth some in the past couple of weeks, and that's not really very interesting to me, not something I enjoy writing about. Perhaps I just need to find a new mode of writing...
It seems that I am dating someone now, someone that I'm not really wanting to be dating so much. He's very distant and avoidant. My doctorish friend told me that my lover sounds like he has Borderline Personality Disorder. Disregarding the tendency to group every annoying person who seems like they're crazy but in some ill-defined way under the catergory of Borderline Personality Disorder, I think he may be right. But ya know, that's just fine. I don't want to be dating anyone right now, but if I'm not dating someone then I'll have to deal with people trying to hit on me; if I'm not dating someone then folks in general will assume that I would like to be dating someone, and I'll have to deal with the occasional proposition. I just don't want to deal with that. So I'll just be dating this guy. He avoids me, stays away for long periods of time, and when he does come around he doesn't stay long. He's safe. I can pretend to date him with few consequences.
What I'm afraid of, though, is that I'll decide that I want to start dating again someday (which, horrifying as it may sound, will most likely happen), and the person that I'll decide to start dating won't be this guy; he'll be somebody else, who probably won't be too happy if I'm trying to get with them while dating this other guy. So it will be too clear at that point that I'm dating this guy for dishonest, disrespectful reasons. But actually, I know for a fact that he's kind of full of shit when it comes to his desire to be dating me, so should I really worry about it?
Well, at the very least I'll be leaving Columbus one day, and he doesn't seem like the type that would want to move somewhere. Maybe for real love he would, but not for neurotic pretend love, like him and I have. I'll be able to escape one day....
It seems that I am dating someone now, someone that I'm not really wanting to be dating so much. He's very distant and avoidant. My doctorish friend told me that my lover sounds like he has Borderline Personality Disorder. Disregarding the tendency to group every annoying person who seems like they're crazy but in some ill-defined way under the catergory of Borderline Personality Disorder, I think he may be right. But ya know, that's just fine. I don't want to be dating anyone right now, but if I'm not dating someone then I'll have to deal with people trying to hit on me; if I'm not dating someone then folks in general will assume that I would like to be dating someone, and I'll have to deal with the occasional proposition. I just don't want to deal with that. So I'll just be dating this guy. He avoids me, stays away for long periods of time, and when he does come around he doesn't stay long. He's safe. I can pretend to date him with few consequences.
What I'm afraid of, though, is that I'll decide that I want to start dating again someday (which, horrifying as it may sound, will most likely happen), and the person that I'll decide to start dating won't be this guy; he'll be somebody else, who probably won't be too happy if I'm trying to get with them while dating this other guy. So it will be too clear at that point that I'm dating this guy for dishonest, disrespectful reasons. But actually, I know for a fact that he's kind of full of shit when it comes to his desire to be dating me, so should I really worry about it?
Well, at the very least I'll be leaving Columbus one day, and he doesn't seem like the type that would want to move somewhere. Maybe for real love he would, but not for neurotic pretend love, like him and I have. I'll be able to escape one day....
posted by nearfalse | 8:32 AM
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