Shaa...I dreamed last night that I had worked really hard on what I believe is the 4th of the 12 steps of SAA. It basically involves taking a personal inventory of how your addiction has hurt yourself and other people. I typed it up, and made it look quite impressive.

I'm to be meeting with my sponser for the first time tomarrow. I'm excited. I'm feeling like I really want to get this started in earnest now.

I dropped one of my classes, bringing my credit hours down from 20 to 15. This is good for me, though I'm feeling guilty or nervous about it for some reason. It's not even a withdrawl, 'cause it's too early in the quarter. It's still just a drop. Yet I feel disappointed in myself, as though I have given up too quickly. I haven't. I'm making the right decision. This is not the time for pushing myself; this is the time for stablization, the time for gentleness, for slow, consistent, permanant development.

Sigh...I should quit being so abstract...should use less exposition. Somehow I'm feeling shy right now...some of the things I've been doing lately are things that I'm rather uncomfortable about, which I don't even want to think about for more than a minute at a time, let alone make conscious enough to write about them. And it's not like I've been doing anything that's really bad, at least not in an objective sense. But somehow I'm very uncomfortable talking about myself right now...I'm feeling out-of-control, and vulnerable. Very out-of-control....it's good that I'm dropping one of these classes, and can focus on leading a more balanced life again...