Ferret Man: Unavailable

I'm so annoyingly sad right now. I met the perfect guy...and he's straight, of course. I'm very angry. I'm angry at straight guys who don't let you know that they're straight when you first meet them, so that you start getting crushes on them that have no hope of any future attached to them. I mean, when you tell someone that you're gay, they're supposed to let you know what they are right afterwards, right? right? I mean, come on, just lay your cards on the table, so that we all know what's what and what's possible. I'm very annoyed.

He was so perfect though: he was just a little butch, but not stupid and neurotic about it like most straight guys are; he was a little bit fem, but not flaming by any standard, but just...sensitive and receptive. And he was the perfect height...just a little bit shorter than I...and he had lots of facial hair, but practically no head hair (he's balding). He's poor, but not ghetto, so...hanging out with him was nice...like, I felt like we were on the same page concerning alot of things. And it just felt nice too, to not feel like someone was judging you, or, even if they liked you personally, that they don't t generally like people of your kind, i. e. poor people. It's very upsetting to me, but I seem to know a lot of middle class people from middle class families, and they don't even realize it, but they tend to use the word "poor" as an insult, like during a tirade of insults against someone that they don't like, they'll throw the word "poor" in there somewhere, not as the main insult, but as a supporting thing, like "they're fat, rude, mean, and POOR. That really bugs me. It would be nice to be with someone who's from the same socioeconomic background as myself, who would just understand that being poor is a-ok, and could not even be possibly considered an insult in any situation.

I seem to have lost touch with my roots, and I'm not sure who I am anymore. Consequently, I end up being with guys that don't really feel like family, or like people that I can ever actually be completely comfortable around. I guess that's my curse: to always be an outsider to a certain extent. For one short minute I didn't feel like an outsider with this guy tonight (Ferret Man, I'll call him), but in fact I am an outsider, 'cause he's straight, and I'm gay, and there will always be some kind of wall between us, no matter how opened minded each of us is...