Gay

By the way, it turns out that I do have some sort of STD...what they call an NGU (non-gonnorial urethra infection). Also, the sobriety thing totally didn't work out. I had gotten to the point that I wasn't just feeling rageful at everone, but was actually seriously considering acting on my rage. Like, I was sitting in the computer lab, and there was this guy on his cell phone behind me, and eveything that he hated was "gay": "Oh man, that test was gay! That quesiton about the cats? What the fuck was up with that? That was so gay." I seriously wanted to hurt him. I was waiting for the elevator right when he was about to leave, and I tried to get the elevator door to close before he could get on, but unfortunatley he was not one of those wimpy elevator riders that is aftaid to push open the closing doors. On the way down I was really thinking of what I could do to hurt him in some way, or at least annoy him, or maybe just make him feel like shit. What I was fantasizing about at the most extreme was to take a straight razor and slice his throat: "Oh shit man, your fucking throat is cut, that's so fucking GAY. Oh man, you're covered in blood, that's so GAY." But that was impractical, so I was seriously thinking of more subtle ways to hurt him.

After that I was like "I'm just gonna act out." So I did, and I felt much calmer.