No graduate school for me....
I'm so sad right now. I just found out that to get into the OSU English Master's program you have to have a 3.85 GPA, and all I got is a 3.3. People are too smart, I just can't compete. I'm just going to have to accept the fact that I'm just not destined for a life in academia...
Well, there's probably hope for me...if I go to a lesser school or something...but...a master's degree is a lot of money to spend...if I can't get into a good school, then it won't lead to anything, and I'll have spent all that money just to amuse myself. I can't afford to just amuse myself.
Why do I have to be so poor!
I acted out a bit today...in rather inappropriate ways...I don't know where I'm going...I feel so lost...and empty...
I think about giving up the compulsive sex, but then something always happens to make me think "acting out is great! I should do it more often." Or at least that I don't want to give it up completely. Like, for example, over the weekend I got to have sex with two guys at once, which I haven't done in awhile. They were doing this thing where they had both their cocks in my mouth at once. It was great! I've been thinking about it alot...
But then all that day, before then and after then, I just felt so weird, so grey and pale, with no sense of pleasure at all. I think that the SCA people would say that instead of confronting my depression I was using sex to escape it. That's true. But is that really so bad?
I'm going to go see Doctor Ruth speak tonight. I'm looking forward to it.
Well, there's probably hope for me...if I go to a lesser school or something...but...a master's degree is a lot of money to spend...if I can't get into a good school, then it won't lead to anything, and I'll have spent all that money just to amuse myself. I can't afford to just amuse myself.
Why do I have to be so poor!
I acted out a bit today...in rather inappropriate ways...I don't know where I'm going...I feel so lost...and empty...
I think about giving up the compulsive sex, but then something always happens to make me think "acting out is great! I should do it more often." Or at least that I don't want to give it up completely. Like, for example, over the weekend I got to have sex with two guys at once, which I haven't done in awhile. They were doing this thing where they had both their cocks in my mouth at once. It was great! I've been thinking about it alot...
But then all that day, before then and after then, I just felt so weird, so grey and pale, with no sense of pleasure at all. I think that the SCA people would say that instead of confronting my depression I was using sex to escape it. That's true. But is that really so bad?
I'm going to go see Doctor Ruth speak tonight. I'm looking forward to it.
posted by nearfalse | 1:55 PM
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