The Return of Dream Guy
I've been so angry lately, like every day.
I ran into dream guy again. We were in a public space. We have had some weird restroom experiences in the past, like sexual ones. After we talked, he went to the restroom. A minute later I followed him. I tried to get something started, but he acted like he had no idea what was going on.
HE'S the one that started this. I was trying to not do the whole restroom thing, and while he didn't force me into it, I did relapse on my sexual bottom lines for the chance to be with him. And now this? He acts like I'm all weird for trying to get something started. What does he expect? He totally led me on. Now I feel like a some kind of dumb-ass pervert. I hate him.
I don't even really like him as an individual. He's arrogant and materialistic. Why did I get so weird about him? It was less who he was and more what he symbolized to me: a man my own age who was still just starting out in life. I liked that idea. Yeah, I did want to do more than just have sex with him or be friends at one time; but that's all in the past. After a few conversations it was clear that that was just not going to work. But could I have sex with him at least once, please? He started this, and now he leaves me hanging, and somehow I end up feeling like the bad guy here. What a jerk.
Well, I understand that he's got some sexual issues himself. And like alot of people, but not like me, he can't have a conversation with someone and then have sex with them without feeling like it means something (and therefore cannot have sex with me if he doesn't want a relationship with me). And he's young, and young people are stupid. And I understand that what he wanted from probably changed the more he got to know me (which makes sense). And now that I'm looking back at our conversations in context, it does seem that he was trying to let me know that he didn't want sex from me, or at the very least not in this meaningless way (which at this point is the only kind of sex that I want from him).
Ah, but my addict doesn't listen. I want to write "I hate him" again, but in reality I don't: I just kind of dislike him, and in other ways I think he just fine. What I really hate is the situation.
That's it: no more sex in public restrooms, and no more sex with strangers. It just makes life too confusing. I need to keep my relations with people on a strictly friendly basis, and save sex for when I actually find someone that I like in that lover/boyfriend kind of way.
I ran into dream guy again. We were in a public space. We have had some weird restroom experiences in the past, like sexual ones. After we talked, he went to the restroom. A minute later I followed him. I tried to get something started, but he acted like he had no idea what was going on.
HE'S the one that started this. I was trying to not do the whole restroom thing, and while he didn't force me into it, I did relapse on my sexual bottom lines for the chance to be with him. And now this? He acts like I'm all weird for trying to get something started. What does he expect? He totally led me on. Now I feel like a some kind of dumb-ass pervert. I hate him.
I don't even really like him as an individual. He's arrogant and materialistic. Why did I get so weird about him? It was less who he was and more what he symbolized to me: a man my own age who was still just starting out in life. I liked that idea. Yeah, I did want to do more than just have sex with him or be friends at one time; but that's all in the past. After a few conversations it was clear that that was just not going to work. But could I have sex with him at least once, please? He started this, and now he leaves me hanging, and somehow I end up feeling like the bad guy here. What a jerk.
Well, I understand that he's got some sexual issues himself. And like alot of people, but not like me, he can't have a conversation with someone and then have sex with them without feeling like it means something (and therefore cannot have sex with me if he doesn't want a relationship with me). And he's young, and young people are stupid. And I understand that what he wanted from probably changed the more he got to know me (which makes sense). And now that I'm looking back at our conversations in context, it does seem that he was trying to let me know that he didn't want sex from me, or at the very least not in this meaningless way (which at this point is the only kind of sex that I want from him).
Ah, but my addict doesn't listen. I want to write "I hate him" again, but in reality I don't: I just kind of dislike him, and in other ways I think he just fine. What I really hate is the situation.
That's it: no more sex in public restrooms, and no more sex with strangers. It just makes life too confusing. I need to keep my relations with people on a strictly friendly basis, and save sex for when I actually find someone that I like in that lover/boyfriend kind of way.
posted by nearfalse | 5:11 PM
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