New Quarter, New Job, Same Old Me.

I'm writing this on one of those keyboards that are specially designed to prevent carpel tunnel syndrome. It actually does feel easier on the hands, but the weird postioning makes it so that I'm constantly making mistakes. My intuitions are failing me in this new situation.

School has started again, which makes me very happy. It's very easy to forget how miserable I am when I don't have a single moment to rest; I don't have time to be miserable, I have work to do. It feels good. Maybe I'm something of a mild workaholic.

Also, I've started a new job. I have a feeling that my boss is easily impressed by someone who pays close attention to his needs, and strokes his ego. He's black, so I think he is used to people doubting his abilitys, and having to prove himself. He doesn't seem used to someone else (especially a white person) trying to prove themself to him. This should work out fine, because my main goal at a job is always to win the approval of the people that have power over me; yes, I am, unapolagetically, a boot-licker.

I'm trying again to make the effort to stop my compulsive sexual behavior. I have decided that I will not fantasize while masturbating. It only serves to seperate myself from reality even more. I need to experience sex as a real thing that i'm actually doing, not just a distant dream, happening only in my head.

I must eat now.