Statement of Appropriate and Inappropriate Sexaul Behavior
Last night I dreamed that I was arrested, for the second time (in the dream), for having sex in a public restroom. When they were arresting me, it was unclear whether they were arresting me for the sex, or because I was smoking in a public restroom (Columbus recently passed a law that severely limits smoking in public places). As it turned out, they were arresting me for the sex, and I was going to go to jail (just like in The Stranger, by Mr. Camus). I begged them “please don’t send me to jail. If I join a group for sexual addicts, and change my behavior, can I get out of going to jail?”
They never answered. But I do think I have an addiction. I think the fact that my brain was confusing cigarette behavior and sex behavior is a good indicator of the addictive and compulsive nature of my sexual behavior. So today I looked on the internet for groups that help recovering sex addicts. I didn’t find any good ones, but I did read some interesting articles. One of them said that it is important, when trying to change your sexual behavior, to write out a concrete statement of what you consider to be healthy and unhealthy sexual behavior. So here goes:
I consider sex with complete strangers to be inappropriate. I consider sex with people that I actually don’t like, and would not enjoy talking to, to be inappropriate. I consider sex in which I completely objectify other people to be inappropriate. I consider sex in which I am completely objectified to be inappropriate. I consider sex that centers around oppression and violence to be inappropriate. I think it is inappropriate to have sex with someone that you have no positive feelings about (though I don’t think I need to go so far as to say that you should be in a loving, committed relationship with someone if you’re going to have sex with them; friendly, pleasant feelings are enough). Finally, I think it is inappropriate to have unprotected sex with people that I do not know the sexual history of, or to engage in unsafe sex with someone that I know has an STD.
As far as my fantasies go, I have a few regulations concerning that as well. I consider fantasies in which I am abusing or oppressing other people or am myself being abused or oppressed to be inappropriate. I consider fantasies in which I completely objectify someone, or am completely objectified myself, to be inappropriate. Any fantasy which centers around someone being forced to do something, or not feeling like they have a choice in doing something, is inappropriate.
And for masturbation, I think that it is inappropriate to force myself to jerk-off when I’m not overtly horny. I think that it is only appropriate to jerk-off when my body is showing an obvious desire for sexual release, such as a hard-on. Fantasies while jerking-off should conform to the standards mentioned above. If I cannot get off without resorting to activities that are not allowed in this list, than the only appropriate thing to do is to stop trying to get off.
Okay, we’ll see how I do on this.
They never answered. But I do think I have an addiction. I think the fact that my brain was confusing cigarette behavior and sex behavior is a good indicator of the addictive and compulsive nature of my sexual behavior. So today I looked on the internet for groups that help recovering sex addicts. I didn’t find any good ones, but I did read some interesting articles. One of them said that it is important, when trying to change your sexual behavior, to write out a concrete statement of what you consider to be healthy and unhealthy sexual behavior. So here goes:
I consider sex with complete strangers to be inappropriate. I consider sex with people that I actually don’t like, and would not enjoy talking to, to be inappropriate. I consider sex in which I completely objectify other people to be inappropriate. I consider sex in which I am completely objectified to be inappropriate. I consider sex that centers around oppression and violence to be inappropriate. I think it is inappropriate to have sex with someone that you have no positive feelings about (though I don’t think I need to go so far as to say that you should be in a loving, committed relationship with someone if you’re going to have sex with them; friendly, pleasant feelings are enough). Finally, I think it is inappropriate to have unprotected sex with people that I do not know the sexual history of, or to engage in unsafe sex with someone that I know has an STD.
As far as my fantasies go, I have a few regulations concerning that as well. I consider fantasies in which I am abusing or oppressing other people or am myself being abused or oppressed to be inappropriate. I consider fantasies in which I completely objectify someone, or am completely objectified myself, to be inappropriate. Any fantasy which centers around someone being forced to do something, or not feeling like they have a choice in doing something, is inappropriate.
And for masturbation, I think that it is inappropriate to force myself to jerk-off when I’m not overtly horny. I think that it is only appropriate to jerk-off when my body is showing an obvious desire for sexual release, such as a hard-on. Fantasies while jerking-off should conform to the standards mentioned above. If I cannot get off without resorting to activities that are not allowed in this list, than the only appropriate thing to do is to stop trying to get off.
Okay, we’ll see how I do on this.
posted by nearfalse | 2:09 PM
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