magic

”Hail son of kings
Make the ever-dying sign
Cross your fingers in the sky
For those about to be.
There am I
Waiting along the sand;
Cast your sweet spell
Upon the land and sea.”

-Jethro Tull, from A Passion Play


I am full of magic tonight…I want it to stay forever…Alas, it will not.

I am in love. The tension I felt earlier tonight, that I couldn’t get rid of…I was waiting to fall in love. I am ready for that again. I am ready to feel things again. I’m ready to be taken into the supreme gentle madness of emotion, to taste the 500 flavors of pleasure.

I’m not ready. I know that. I am not the genius of magnificent experience. I probably never will be. But for a short time, I want to take in the world in the way I used to, before I became sane again, before I rejoined the human race. I want the electric connection between me and everything, but without the pain that is inherent in that. I want to breathe, and breathe free, into eternity.

But I will settle for falling in love with a man. I cannot face fully the three dimensional chaos of life, but through the rough basic pleasure of sexual/emotional connection with a human being, I can catch a quick glance of it out of the corner of my eye.