I'm getting really depressed again. I'm sliding back into addictive behavior. They gave me the key to the lab a few months back so I can come in and work any time of the day or night. At first I had no temptation to use the computers for sexual purposes, but lately I have been, after realizing that I have enough know-how to cover my tracks now, so that I won't get caught. It's horrible. I neglect my work. I spend too much time thinking about sex. I exhaust myself. I think what I need to do is just stop coming in at night when I'm sure of not being interupted. If I come in during the day, then there will be other folks around, or at least there will be the chance that they will show up any minute. I'll get more work done that way, and feel better about myslef.

It's just depression. It never seems to leave for long, no matter what I do. It's very tiresome. Usually I have school-work to distract me, but for the next month that's gone. I don't know what I'm gonna do. I'm feeling desperate. I don't like it. I have to find a solution that doesn't hurt me in any way. Unfortunately all the drugs that help with depression, both legal and illegal, also have such bad side effects. What am I supposed to do? (that's a rhetorical question: I'm not feeling receptive to advice right now).