Well, I've been having trouble sleeping (as usual). I don't want to take the over-the-counter sleeping aids, because I've used them alot in the past with rather negative effects, like difficulty waking-up, memory problems, and information processing problems. So I've decided to go back onto the Risperdal and see if that works. I've been taking it for about three days now, but it doesn't seem to be making me sleepy yet. I had the same experience when I was taking it before, where it didn't effect my sleeping patterns at first, but later on acted as a strong sedative, so I'm just going to wait and see what happens.

But the Risperdal is also helping me feel more balanced emotionally, which is nice, and which makes my sleeping diffiuculties seem like less of a problem. However, like the last time I took Risperdal, it's also making me feel more paranoid. This is ironic, because it's supposed to make me feel less paranoid. I don't buy my psychiatrist's argument that it's just bringing things up to the surface that were being ignored before. This is the second time that I've taken Risperdal, and both times now the paranoia has hit me like a ton of bricks, in marked contrast to my everyday life. This is unfortunate, because I feel like my paranoia is one part of my illness that I've had a lot of success with keeping under control without medication. It would be a shame if I started to lose the progress that I've made.

Well, the Risperdal that I'm taking now is just the stuff that's leftover from when I was taking it before. When it runs out I'm going to go see my psychiatrist and ask her if she is willing to treat just my depression, and to leave the schizo stuff alone for now. All I really need is something to balance my moods out just the littlest bit, because my depression is not so very strong, only affects my life a little bit, and only needs a mild readjustment to make me happy with the way things are going. And if she refuses to help with the depression without treating the schizo stuff? Well, I guess I'll be looking for a new psychiatrist then.