Well, Okay, Minnesota DOES Suck, Just a Little Bit
All week long, I've been feeling like I'm on the edge of not being happy, or of not being good-natured. At times I've felt downright mean, and angry at people, in a way I haven't felt in a long time. I think part of this is due to me being back in Minneapolis, 'cause I have a lot of unresolved issues with this place. It actually makes me feel a little sad, the people who live in this mid-sized city, though I couldn't exactly tell you why. They all just seem so flakey and ridiculous, and also kind of pretentious. Minnesotans don't seem to have a lot of emotional control, or a lot of control over themselves in general; and they're always over-compensating by trying, unsucessfully, to keep as much control as possible. Columbusites, on the other hand, seem to be rather gifted at the art of graceful, easy control over themselves. I may think that individual Columbusites are controling themselves in unhealthy directions, but at least they know how to do it.
My description of Minnesotans may surprise some people, given it's Garrison Keiller inspired reputation of dowdy, passive agressive humility; but it's exactly that humility that turns Minnesotans into complete flakes. You see, folks in Minnesota are so friggin' worried about doing the "right" thing, about not offending anyone, about being "perfect." Like, so many Minnesotans, especially the young urban ones, drive themselves insane in their pursuit of doing what they think the people around them want them to be. They second guess everything they do, and worry themselves into a paranoid frenzy. Then, to top it off, they get fanatically idealistic. If you want to disagree with a Minnesotan, you best be ready to be treated like satan himself, because you're not just disagreeing with someone's opinions, you're disagreeing with their ESSENCE, their SOUL. Their whole way of life is being threatened by everything you do that doesn't fit into it.
And no, I'm not just projecting. And it's not just my family either: in fact, my mom and my brother are comparatively low-key compared to a lot of other people I meet. These are the things that I moved away from Minnesota so I wouldn't have to deal with anymore. I wanted to be able to make small talk with a stranger without the risk of sending them into a neurotic whirlwind of self-doubt, full of fear of saying the wrong thing, and, god forbid, not being able to talk constantly so as to fill up all those horrid, painful SILENCES. I wanted to be able to have a debate with someone that didn't lead to an emotional outburst, starting out as an attempt to guilt me into agreeing with them, and ending with them out-and-out denouncing me. I feel like everyone is always trying to goad me into a competition of "who's got the moral highground?" My answer to that question is usually "who cares?"
I mean...Minnesotans take themselves WAY too seriously, and when I get back here I usually start to do the same thing. For example, as someone who has done a lot of bicycle riding in the street, alongside the cars, not for fun but for transportation, I get really pissed off when I see other bikers doing dumb things while in the street: they don't follow the rules of the road, they're not considerate of other drivers...they make everything more annoying, and they give polite, orderly bikers like me a bad name. The eratic and dangerous behaviour of many cyclists 'causes some drivers to get really nervous, and so when they see me on the road they get all sketchy, and start doing things that make no sense, 'cause they're so certain that I'm gonna dart out in front of them or something. This is very confusing to me: I base my behaviour on what I can reasonably expect cars to do in most situations, i.e. I expect cars to drive like normal and not do anything weird. Yet, because of the actions of many other cyclists, cars very frequently do very weird and sudden things when they see me, in the expectation that I myself am about to do something very weird and sudden. This pisses me off, and puts me on edge.
Ok, so when I see some dumb ass cyclist doing some dumb ass shit on the road, like weaving all over the place, darting in front of people without warning, or, horrors upon horrors, DRIVING ON THE WRONG SIDE OF THE ROAD, I commonly think something like "thank you, dumb ass, for making everything worse for me." Now if this happens in Columbus, the thought passes through, I feel a quick sensation of sarcastic derision, and they I move on to other things. In Minneapolis, on the other hand, it allways turns into an obsession, in which I start to feel real moral outrage; and the sarcastic bitterness isn't a quick sensation, but a cold knife, ripping into my heart and twisting around for, well, a long time. Like ten minutes. Which I don't enjoy. I don't want to be full of hate. I'm full enough of hate as it is. I don't need to be emersed in this self-righteous, hateful culture; it's everything that I'm trying to move away from, and I slip back into it way too easily. Columbus has been good to me. I'm not going to stay in Columbus for the rest of my life, but one thing I can promise is that when I do move, it ain't gonna be back to Minneapolis.
On the upside, I had a really fun time in Chicago, and I intend to go back frequently. I think that that's probably where I'll move next....
My description of Minnesotans may surprise some people, given it's Garrison Keiller inspired reputation of dowdy, passive agressive humility; but it's exactly that humility that turns Minnesotans into complete flakes. You see, folks in Minnesota are so friggin' worried about doing the "right" thing, about not offending anyone, about being "perfect." Like, so many Minnesotans, especially the young urban ones, drive themselves insane in their pursuit of doing what they think the people around them want them to be. They second guess everything they do, and worry themselves into a paranoid frenzy. Then, to top it off, they get fanatically idealistic. If you want to disagree with a Minnesotan, you best be ready to be treated like satan himself, because you're not just disagreeing with someone's opinions, you're disagreeing with their ESSENCE, their SOUL. Their whole way of life is being threatened by everything you do that doesn't fit into it.
And no, I'm not just projecting. And it's not just my family either: in fact, my mom and my brother are comparatively low-key compared to a lot of other people I meet. These are the things that I moved away from Minnesota so I wouldn't have to deal with anymore. I wanted to be able to make small talk with a stranger without the risk of sending them into a neurotic whirlwind of self-doubt, full of fear of saying the wrong thing, and, god forbid, not being able to talk constantly so as to fill up all those horrid, painful SILENCES. I wanted to be able to have a debate with someone that didn't lead to an emotional outburst, starting out as an attempt to guilt me into agreeing with them, and ending with them out-and-out denouncing me. I feel like everyone is always trying to goad me into a competition of "who's got the moral highground?" My answer to that question is usually "who cares?"
I mean...Minnesotans take themselves WAY too seriously, and when I get back here I usually start to do the same thing. For example, as someone who has done a lot of bicycle riding in the street, alongside the cars, not for fun but for transportation, I get really pissed off when I see other bikers doing dumb things while in the street: they don't follow the rules of the road, they're not considerate of other drivers...they make everything more annoying, and they give polite, orderly bikers like me a bad name. The eratic and dangerous behaviour of many cyclists 'causes some drivers to get really nervous, and so when they see me on the road they get all sketchy, and start doing things that make no sense, 'cause they're so certain that I'm gonna dart out in front of them or something. This is very confusing to me: I base my behaviour on what I can reasonably expect cars to do in most situations, i.e. I expect cars to drive like normal and not do anything weird. Yet, because of the actions of many other cyclists, cars very frequently do very weird and sudden things when they see me, in the expectation that I myself am about to do something very weird and sudden. This pisses me off, and puts me on edge.
Ok, so when I see some dumb ass cyclist doing some dumb ass shit on the road, like weaving all over the place, darting in front of people without warning, or, horrors upon horrors, DRIVING ON THE WRONG SIDE OF THE ROAD, I commonly think something like "thank you, dumb ass, for making everything worse for me." Now if this happens in Columbus, the thought passes through, I feel a quick sensation of sarcastic derision, and they I move on to other things. In Minneapolis, on the other hand, it allways turns into an obsession, in which I start to feel real moral outrage; and the sarcastic bitterness isn't a quick sensation, but a cold knife, ripping into my heart and twisting around for, well, a long time. Like ten minutes. Which I don't enjoy. I don't want to be full of hate. I'm full enough of hate as it is. I don't need to be emersed in this self-righteous, hateful culture; it's everything that I'm trying to move away from, and I slip back into it way too easily. Columbus has been good to me. I'm not going to stay in Columbus for the rest of my life, but one thing I can promise is that when I do move, it ain't gonna be back to Minneapolis.
On the upside, I had a really fun time in Chicago, and I intend to go back frequently. I think that that's probably where I'll move next....
posted by nearfalse | 12:10 AM
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