Celebrity Sex Dreams
For the last three nights running I've had sex dreams about celebrities. The first one was of Mark McKinney, from The Kids in the Hall (Mr. McKinney is the one on the far right). He was wearing a full body condom...or...not so much a condom, put a loose tailored latex suit to protect him and me from potential disease. I had to reach under the leg of the suit to jerk him off (which I guess kind of defeats the purpose of wearing it...). When he came it was very realistic: he's a dribbler, not a shooter.
The next one was about having sex with a woman, Jennifer Aniston no less (you know, the one from "Friends"? Do I really need to link that?). The reason I was doing it was because we wanted to have a baby together, which at first I was really excited about. Then, when I realized how much of a controlling bitch she was, I decided that it was kind of a bad idea, and tried to find a different woman who wanted to do it with. But before we got to that point we had sex two or three times, none of which were very successful. I just couldn't get it up! I'd get hard enough to stick it in, but once we got to that point I'd just wilt. I just wasn't feeling it. Her skin was grey and ugly, and she was totally devoid of spirit.
The last one, which I had just a few hours ago, was about The Fonz (that picture on the top of the website is kind of blurry, but I like it, 'cause it looks like he's about to start feeling himself up or something). We were living in some sort of experimental group home, where one was given absolute freedom to do as one pleased within the confines of the several mile long compound. Still, me and The Fonz were sneaking around anyway...I guess having gay sex was not considered to be part of absolute freedom.
The nice thing about these dreams is that everyone I was with wanted to have sex with me. Sometimes I'll have sex dreams in which I think "this is only a dream, so I can do whatever I want," so I'll start to get it on with someone that I know in reality would not be so open to the idea, and they'll be like "yes, this is a dream, and you can do whatever you want to me; nonetheless, I'm really not enjoying this, and I hate you for making me do it." Which is really a downer.
The next one was about having sex with a woman, Jennifer Aniston no less (you know, the one from "Friends"? Do I really need to link that?). The reason I was doing it was because we wanted to have a baby together, which at first I was really excited about. Then, when I realized how much of a controlling bitch she was, I decided that it was kind of a bad idea, and tried to find a different woman who wanted to do it with. But before we got to that point we had sex two or three times, none of which were very successful. I just couldn't get it up! I'd get hard enough to stick it in, but once we got to that point I'd just wilt. I just wasn't feeling it. Her skin was grey and ugly, and she was totally devoid of spirit.
The last one, which I had just a few hours ago, was about The Fonz (that picture on the top of the website is kind of blurry, but I like it, 'cause it looks like he's about to start feeling himself up or something). We were living in some sort of experimental group home, where one was given absolute freedom to do as one pleased within the confines of the several mile long compound. Still, me and The Fonz were sneaking around anyway...I guess having gay sex was not considered to be part of absolute freedom.
The nice thing about these dreams is that everyone I was with wanted to have sex with me. Sometimes I'll have sex dreams in which I think "this is only a dream, so I can do whatever I want," so I'll start to get it on with someone that I know in reality would not be so open to the idea, and they'll be like "yes, this is a dream, and you can do whatever you want to me; nonetheless, I'm really not enjoying this, and I hate you for making me do it." Which is really a downer.
posted by nearfalse | 11:40 AM
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